The beaming sun didn’t make it all different at all. Sitting right underneath it, with the straight line of shadow as below her feet, it all seems pretty alright. Alright, just for today. Her cold sweats didn’t seams to bother her at all. She kept her head looking up with her eyes slightly twitch as she was trying to remain focus. No feeling of any incoming breeze in this hot afternoon. Her throat was soaring for something that is cold and refreshing. A cooling mineral water would do just fine but for today, it seems alright... without it, just yet.
“You’ll be alright?” he had to ask, as he took a seat right next to her. The tinted clouds have made a tremendous shade for that instant. He looked up and thanked God for it.
She preferred to be in the real silence for the next few seconds as her mind was doing all the thinking and talking at the same time. Her lips remains glued as her eye balls was seeking what seem still missing. Glaring in the scouring mid day, wasn’t a good idea at all but for today, it was alright, after all.
“Maybe I should wait here with you a little longer. You think I should?” he wasn’t sure of it himself. He turned and looked at her with his eyes wide open and with the best interest in hoping that she would at least return the smallest favour.
“You know?” he wanted her to know.
“His all you’re got! Maybe by now you already knew that?” with his eyebrow rose a bit. He knew he was telling no lies. He was there when he was being told.
Bits and pieces kept rushing into her mind and soul. She couldn’t help it as it was part of her memories that was still kept neatly inside her. She was smiling when she could still feel the same feelings kept being played all over again in the inner her. The scents’ surrounding her hasn’t changed. She saw what was meant to be seen. Their silhouettes leaning against each other, with the yellow sun submerged into the centre point of the earth. It was beautiful; it was the best shortest moment to relive ever. Their hearts was beating with the same rhythm, pounding for longest time to stay. Wanting it to last as long it was supposed to be.
How far is it going to be?
It is never too far
How is that?
Because you will always be in my heart, I shall always take you with me, no matter where ever I go.
No matter how far?
Soft cold tears runs down her cheeks as he recalls the last moment she was with him. Witnessing the sun set and awaits for the falling star, later that same night. It was the moments of truth for the two of them. Making promises and wanting to keep it. Promise was all they ever got, besides meaningful moments that was meant to be kept and not to be forgotten. She dried her own tears with her shivering fingers. She wasn’t feeling cold but her hands just couldn’t remains still. She was shaking entirely but she tried not to look so obvious, he would be worried. She doesn’t want that to happen, not today.
“I hate to be the one telling you but I had too. I am so sorry” he admits it, it was the most difficult time of his life but it had to do it and it had to be today.
It would have been days before but her earliest flight was eighteen hours ago. Reaching here made it two days later. The distance has kept it far apart and now further apart she shall be.
“Is there anything else that I can do?” he offered sincerely when he saw her drying her tears maybe for the tenth time after he arrives. The guilt conscious was something he can’t hide but nothing of this was ever meant to be.
Maybe I should hold her, put her in my arms and tell her everything is going to be alright. Maybe I should wipe her tears instead and maybe she would feel at least a bit better. Maybe I should make her understand that I do understand with what she is going through at this moment. Maybe I should, if only I could. His feelings were in a messed, if only she could see the inner him. He too cried but that was two days ago. He was almost losses his mind upon receiving the news. Over the days, he managed to collect himself and retrieve the missing pieces that were falling apart from him. But now, today... he couldn’t cry next to her. He was supposed to be there for her, be strong for her. But how much further can he coop. Just maybe for another day, maybe I could if only I would. He brace himself, deeply he has faith.
“Maybe...” finally she said a word after the long silent. He gasps for that moment to happen again.
“Maybe you should go” she wanted to be left alone.
Their eyes met for the next priceless seconds while their minds were seeking for soul searching. It went blank! She felt it. He knew then he lost it.
But... but you know I can’t do that. I made a promise to myself a couple days ago. You know I can’t. He was begging for her to understand that it has stabbed him straight into his dignity too.
“Yeah, maybe I should... but before that here” he handed her what was meant to be hers, wrapped in the clear plastic wrapper. Beautifully tied ribbon around it making it into a soft looking handmade bow.
Deep inside him, he couldn’t just walk away, leaving her while she was in tears. Her soreness was eating her alive. She was doing very well in hiding her wounds but he for one, knew that cuts like that need time to heal. And yes maybe through time she shall heals but healing alone? He can’t let that happen. His sympathy felt through her emptiness.
He rose, and still he doesn’t know why his body was acting almost instantly. He wanted to stay a little longer or maybe another day but now, he was already standing overlooking her shadow. With one of his hand reaching into his trousers pocket, he took it out and answers it at the second ringing tone.
Quick seconds later...
“Hold on... it’s for you” he handed over his mobile phone to her, closer. Making it easier for her to reach, she response accordingly and took a quick peek into the phone’s screen with no further question asks to whom was it from.
“Hey?” that was her first greeting to only one knew it was coming from her.
“Whatcha doing?” she has a smile on her face, amazing! He smiled to himself after seeing her changes. He saw the instant changed. He took another step away to give her that space.
“Yeah, I am alright.”
“How far is it going to be?”
“How is that?”
“No matter how far? ”
All her questioned was being answered. She seems pleased throughout the phone conversation. Even her tears have dried.
Five minutes later...
“Ryan, your phone, thanks eh?” she was all better again. She looks alright all over again.
He approached retrieving his phone and couldn’t make out what just happen. But seeing her with the bright smile and her dimple were showing all over again was something he was hoping for while waiting for the phone conversation between them both ends.
“You’re all better, now?” Ryan wanted to reconfirm. Pretty much, she nodded her head slow and easy, while her fingers were mending with her diamond ring. As pretty as she is and pitiful it maybe, now Ryan’s heart crushes seeing this happening right before his own eyes. The ring was put there for a reason and now the reason is the only reason left to be.
“So, you’re staying or coming now” he didn’t meant to be harsh but Ryan had a schedule to stick to. Time was running short because they took time to receive the breaking news and was trying to understand partially.
“I am coming Ryan. After all, it’s gonna be my last ever anyway, eh?” she was being perceptive and as calmly as possible. Her eyes was telling the truth, Ryan saw it. She was holding onto it, really tight.
“Your flowers?” It’s sad to see it to waste if she left it behind.
“Tuba roses, Ryan. My tuba roses, by the way... Ryan? How did you know tuba roses are my favourites?” she picked them up and held onto it close to her dear life.
“Because Mike told me once before and that was sufficient enough for me” don’t forget tuba roses, Ryan. Bring it along with you! It was his last words, Ryan swore to remember it.
“What did he say? I mean what did Mike say?” Ryan would like to know about the short phone conversation.
“He said... It is never too far, because I will always be in his heart, he shall always take me with him, no matter where ever he goes. Yeap, that’s what he said,!” she remembers word by word.
“You’ll be alright, Rose?” Ryan wants to know for today and he shall ask her again when tomorrow comes.
“Yeah, I’ll be alright Ryan” Rose knew it will alright, just for today. For tomorrow, it will be another day. She kept sniffing the bunch of tuba roses laid in her arms. She was on her way, the longest destiny but yet she knew she will be there. The card sticking inside from the bouquet of fresh tuba roses has it named hand written on it. She flips it open and it reads:
‘Dearest Mike, departed yet forever etched in our hearts’
“Thanks eh, Ryan”
“You would have written the same thing too, Rose”
Ryan drove with one hand, while the other one was jabbering on his mobile instruct it to go to voice mail. The conversation was recorded clearly into his best friends’ voice mail. The caller’s name is now being erased; he can’t find any reason to be having that phone number in his phone any longer. It has been two days already. Two days since he last called to his best friend, Mike. It was the last call he ever made.
(June 21, 2010)