Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Its gonna be soon
Right now ... its empty.
Not a single day that goes by without me not thinking about what went wrong. Every little things I took into consideration, wondering where did I do you wrong. Had I hurt you? Broke you? Or abandon you in anyway? Those shattered memories kept haunting me, day by day. It is hard at the end of the day, when I kept losing myself and I knew I kept losing you too.
Unanswerable questions kept coming back, over and over again. Where am I to find these untold stories for me to explain further for the future sake. When I have is not enough to take.
Its coming to a year. The guiltiness inside of is killing me. I haven't prepared to face My Creator in order to explain to HIM for what happened. The missing pieces of our puzzled relationship is never meant to be found, for that ... I am doomed. (May Allah SWT have mercy on me)
I have gave my all through out my life. I even made so much sacrifices-es. Nothing I would expect in return for I fully understand that The AlMighty has taught me so. Couldn't you at least look back into the past. And see how much we made it through. Those hustle and bustle. Worries and glories. Sadness and madness, we were always together.
Are you really gonna throw it all away, as simple as that. Had I not ever mean anything to you.
I have always been there for you. Hadn't I not ?
Keeping your distance, holding your silence is not Islam - per say. It does not require in proper order or even category to make things better. As long there's a mutual respect or even a bonding, it could it possible.
I am trying my best to move forward but at every steps I take, it hurt me too deep.
I fully know that you haven't forgive and forget, for you're a person, you don't do changes for others but then again once in a while, if that changes is for a good cause, why not ... but to you, why should I?
Then again, I am really hoping that I am so wrong. And you have become a better person over the year, its just me being me. For that matter, I am sorry.
I don't and had never took you for granted as you should had not taken granted towards me too.
For once, I was imaging that you would be looking for me. Irregardless, via the phone, email or even in person. But sad to say, that never happened and by the looking at it, it might shall never happen. I am conceived. I shall be alright.
I'd really would like for us to be a whole again. Cherish every moment for what's left. And not having disgusting feeling towards one another. Wouldn't that be fun?
Is that too much to ask?
Can you, will you ever forgive me, for all these time it was me being me. Altho' I have changed but I made changes to suit the surrounding and for those are closes to me. I have others to think for, for now. And for that you can't punish me ...
Right now ... it's still empty - the space in my heart. All this time, it wasn't your heart that broke but rather it was mine.
I hope ... its gonna be soon.
*** As Ramadan fast approaching, my doas are always meant for you. May The AlMighty protects you, always.***